I don’t know about other countries but the legal age for people to start having sex in the UK is sixteen; however many people tend to have sex a few years prior to turning sixteen. I am eighteen which means that I am two years older than the legal age to have sex, however, unlike what seems to be like most people my age, I am still a virgin. I do feel slightly embarrassed by this, especially as I also haven’t been that intimate with anyone and the fact that I was in a long-term relationship with someone else. I mean, me and my ex did do one or two things (which I don’t need to talk about on here) but we never went as far as having sex with one another, which in today’s society might be considered as quite unusual to say the least.
Above I mentioned that I was in a long-term relationship last year, however we didn’t have sex with each other. We had both said (before we were together) that we would want to lose our virginity to someone who we really loved and cared about and not by having a one-night stand with someone (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with, it’s just not something that I, personally, would do). However, the problem was that he admitted to me that he wasn’t ready to have sex, which is fine, but I, at the time, thought that I was. Despite this, when we did the stuff that we did do together, that, and maybe one or two other things, did highlight to me that I also wasn’t ready to have sex. And that’s okay because sex isn’t something that any of us have to rush into or feel pressured into doing and I feel that it should be something that is done because we want to do it and something that should only happen when the time is right.
I guess that one of the things that helped highlight to me that I wasn’t ready to have sex was the fact that I didn’t feel 100% comfortable with undressing/being undressed in front of my ex-partner. At first I thought this was because I hate the way my body looks anyway and that the problem was more to do with me and my thoughts than my ex-partner. But as time went on I did begin to wonder to myself why I still felt uncomfortable being naked in front of him, and realised that it wasn’t completely due to my own body issues.
Even when it came to doing things with him (or doing bits if you’re a Love Island fan), I wasn’t always entirely comfortable with what was going on. I mean, I did want it to happen and it wasn’t as if he was pressuring me into doing anything. He would always make sure that I wanted to do whatever it was that we were doing before we actually did anything, and each time I said that I did because I did want it to happen because he was my boyfriend and I wanted to be intimate with him. But for some reason, that is still slightly unknown to me, I didn’t always feel comfortable with what was going on. It wasn’t as if I didn’t want it to happen, because I did, but because I didn’t (and still don’t) feel confident in the way that my body looks, I didn’t particularly enjoy the idea of someone being next to me and being able to see me in ways that no one else had ever seen me before. I guess it was the first time that I had been intimate in any way with someone before (as it was for him) so I guess that might have had something to do with me not fully feeling comfortable with either being semi-naked or completely naked in front of someone else. But surely if I loved that person and did want to do that stuff with them, then shouldn’t I have felt comfortable with it all? Clearly not.
I don’t think I’m that desperate to have sex or to lose my virginity. I’m not particularly a religious person (as you will learn in one of my posts that should go out in the next few weeks) and don’t believe the view of not having sex before marriage. I do think that you should have sex with the person that you love and not just do it for the sake of doing it. But in this day and age it’s almost a laughable offence if you get to a certain age and still haven’t lost your virginity. But is being a virgin at eighteen all that bad? Not really.
The thing is, I do want to get losing my virginity out of the way to an extent because I’ve always been given the impression that it is only acceptable up to a certain age where you can get away with telling someone that you’re still a virgin. Like, I can hardly imagine myself in my twenties and having to tell my boyfriend (if there will be one in the future) that I’m still a virgin; whereas he’s slept with many women and might find it either a bit weird or might somehow find himself under a bit more pressure (correct me if I’m wrong) if he finds out that I’m losing my virginity to him. I do kind of see that as embarrassing but I wouldn’t want to lie to him about it (or anyone else for that matter) as the truth does always come out and I wouldn’t want to portray myself as something that I’m not; or as having done stuff that I haven’t actually done. But I also know that I shouldn’t, in any way, try and rush into this because it’s not something that should be rushed and is something that will happen in its own time.
I guess that I always thought that I would have lost my virginity before now, that I wouldn’t have to be slightly embarrassed as to say that I had my first boyfriend at seventeen, that I wouldn’t have to say that I had my first kiss at seventeen, or that I had my first intimate experience at seventeen. But all of these things are still acceptable to have happened for the first time at seventeen and I personally don’t think that anyone should feel pressured into doing anything that they don’t particularly feel comfortable in doing, no matter how old they are; even if they have already had sex or have done anything else, these things should only be done when both people consent to it happening.
So in answer to my question ‘is it okay to still be a virgin?’, yes, it is absolutely okay for me and anyone else to still be a virgin at this age (or at any age for that matter). I think that virginity should be something that we should learn to not be embarrassed or ashamed about and instead should be embraced as something that doesn’t need to be lost in a hurry and having sex should be done as and when you are ready to do it and don’t have any doubts or worries whatsoever. And even if you have already lost your virginity, whenever you do have sex you shouldn’t do it because your partner is pressuring you into it and should only do it because the two of you feel that it’s right and that you both want to do it. You also shouldn’t feel any pressure from others to either lose your virginity or to have sex with someone as it’s YOUR decision and is a decision that YOU should make by yourself, and that you’re not just doing it because other people are telling you to.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post and I hope that it has possibly helped any one of you who may also be in the same situation as me. If you have any questions that are related to this post or anything else that you want to ask me then please don’t hesitate to do so. All of my contact details are in the contacts tab at the top of this page.
Again, thank you so much for reading this post,
Love Beth xx